considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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