I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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