'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
