ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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