I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's shark week go big or go home
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