That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
