Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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