I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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