Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
