He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
