So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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