That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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