Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
