you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
