Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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