If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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