eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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