Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
