You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.