I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.