woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
