Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
