Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
