She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
