I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
