my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
