I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
