i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
