I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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