Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
