no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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