At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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