so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.