honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.