so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.