I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.