Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.