I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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