Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
