She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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