She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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