respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
