Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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