Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
