we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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