Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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