I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
