you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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