sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
