He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
