there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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