My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
