I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
