I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
