I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize