How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
