i would punch a child for taco bell
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
