So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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