I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
