you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
