U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
